~by Roy Mitton~
Tiffany and I have shared our testimony of our life of domestic violence and the great obstacle of forgiving ourselves and Tiffany forgiving me. I saw my sins as too great to be forgiven and the world is unkind to wives who choose to stay.
It was in the basement of the Calgary Women’s shelter where I came out of denial and faced the abuser I was, and the abuse I committed. No good I ever did in the future could make right for the abuse I committed in my past. I carried my guilt from that basement like a heavy yolk on my shoulders into an unforgiving world.
I had always been taught that forgiveness was a feeling. Webster’s dictionary says it’s to "stop feeling angry or resentful towards a person who has done something hurtful or wrong".
It was after we moved to Red Deer, at CrossRoads Church, that I learned of Jesus Christ. I learned that He could forgive me for my sins. The thought of this seemed alien to me. I certainly did not feel forgiven. I felt anger and hate towards myself for what I had done. I believed that forgiving myself was not humanly possible.
Though unwilling for fear of rejection to share the gory details with anyone, alone I became resolved in prayer, and fumbled through the pages of my new Bible to know how it feels to be forgiven by God for my sin. What I learned was that I was looking for the wrong thing all along.
The New Testament was originally written in Koine Greek. The Koine Greek word used in the passages our English New Testament translates as "forgive" is aphiēmi (ä-fē’-ā-mē). Aphiēmi is never used for feeling, rather an action, something you do. It means to leave, abandon, or dismiss.
Paul writes in Colossians 2:14 when referring to forgiveness of sins: "having cancelled the written code, with its regulations that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the crucifix." No hint of feeling is mentioned.
I did not need to feel forgiven, I was forgiven. I just needed to accept that my sin had been pardoned. If I was to be a follower of Christ, I needed to dismiss myself and others from transgressions. Otherwise, I was claiming that our sins were too great to have been cancelled by Christ’s work on the crucifix.
If this world waits for the day that those who need forgiving earn or deserve it, the world waits for a day that will never come. And the consequences for a world blackened by unforgiveness are evident all around us. The cycle of pain and destruction brought forth from an unforgiving heart is all too common. As men, we are called by God to be the earthly representation of Christ in our marriages, in our families, and in our communities. How do we do at modeling this biblical sense of forgiveness? How about you? Are you holding back on truly abandoning a hurt that was done to you or someone you love? Or perhaps like me, is there something you are refusing to forgive yourself for because you know you don’t deserve it? Are you waiting for a feeling that hasn’t come?
I want to encourage you, as Christian men, to be willing to get real with yourself and others, to show that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) and you’re no exception. Do all in your power to show believers and non-believers alike your vulnerability and that they can be vulnerable too without any judgement on your part.
I have always found it fruitless to share the good news of Jesus Christ with others if I am unwilling to show where I been forgiven. That is the real power of the Gospel in my life! For me, nothing stands as a testament to a living Saviour, Lord and God than to see another humbly forgive others without ever taking into account whether they deserve it or not.
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